Heartbroken Heights
by benevolent
Summary: After a series of hard times, a friend helps Beast Boy through it. Raven goes out on a date, and Robin discovers a huge secret. BBxRae and RobxStar Btw, I don't own Teen Titans.


Sometimes it really hurts. When there's no one out there you can relate to. When people just judge you by your appearance; the color of your skin. When you look perfectly happy on the outside, but inside you are broken.

Alot of nights, I sit in my bed and wonder. If I didn't have friends like the Titans and the Doom Patrol, where would I be? Now that I think about it, I might not be alive. The Doom Patrol let me live with them, I was even part of their team for years. But Mento wasn't really someone I got along with. He had a good heart, but was so bossy! Everyone would listen to his orders, no arguing. That was partly why I joined the Titans. He acted like I was a baby all the time, that I could never do things on my own. Mento would always call me "Little Soldier", and after a while, I got sick of it.

Rita's a sweetheart. She was so nice to me, even convinced Mento to let me be in the Doom Patrol. Mento doubted me at first, but then he decided to give me a chance. Rita would mostly agree with Mento, but every once and a while had her own opinions. I think that more people should be like her. Robotman and Negativeman were also two of my good friends.

I wish there was someone in the Tower I could talk to, about all of this. But they wouldn't understand. I guess I have to keep this to myself, forever. If the Titans knew I was hurting like this, they would treat me differently. So, I'm going to be the goofy Titan forever, at least to them. I don't even-

I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

'Okay, time to put on a smile.' I thought to myself.

I opened the door, noticing Star's smiling face, and Raven's... not so smiling expression.

Uh-oh.

"Friend, we were wondering how you have been doing! Cyborg wishes to play Mega Monkey on.. one of your game consoles!" Starfire exclaimed, putting her arm around me.

"Uhh, you mean Playstation? Hmm, I'm good, but... kind of busy." I answered, giving a bit of a grin.

"...Busy?" Raven asked, looking confused.

"Yep! Busy.. Reading!"

'Oh man, Beast Boy. That's the worst excuse ever.'

"Reading?" Raven looked frightened.

"Yep!"

"Reading?" Raven repeated.

I grabbed a random book on the floor of my room. I don't have many books, so I hoped it would be believable. The book's title happened to be "The Puppy Named Rover."

Raven gave me a suspicious look.

"What we came her to tell you, is that combat practice is today. Well, not until tonight, but Robin wants you prepared this time."

"Oh.. okay!" I answered, opening the toddler's book up.

"Beast Boy, are you uhhh, alright?" Raven asked, giving me a some-what worried look.

I didn't know what to say to that. I'm really not alright.

"Why would you care? I mean, you never did before!"

That really shouldn't have came out, but it did anyway.

"What? I don't know. I guess I- We were just concerned, about you. Sorry for caring." Raven answered, with a look in her eyes. A look that I don't think I had seen before. She seemed... hurt, and also sarcastic, as always.

Now I know that I owe her an apology. No idea what I'll say, though.

"I..." As hard as I tried, the words didn't come out.

"Save it."

Raven stormed off to her room, without looking back.

Star, surprised by my action, gave me the look. What look? The look. You know the look your mother gives you when you say something that you shouldn't have? Yep, that look.

"You should very much apologize to Raven. She was only concerned."

"Concerned? You know that Raven hates me.. She always has." I frowned.

"Raven does not hate you. Her emotions are just deep, difficult to understand. I am sure she has feelings for you, as you do for her?"

"Of course I care about Raven, she's my friend."

"Then why must you treat her this way? Raven was very worried, because you have been locked in your room for hours now! We miss you, and are all worried, friend. You cannot tell me what's troubling you?"

Starfire sounded a bit disapointed now. I wanted to tell her, but still, none of the Titans would understand.

"It's just that- I miss you guys too."

"Ohh!"

Starfire wrapped her arms around me, giving one of her big hugs. It was a little hard to breathe, but I gave her a hug back.

"I am sorry, Beast Boy! Is it me? Have you been lonely? We could go to the mall and eat those delicious ummm.. what do you call them? Potato sticks?"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Uhhh, sure! But.. actually Star, they're french fries." I answered, with a smile.

"Oh, that is correct! Maybe we can invite Raven to join us in the shopping of the mall? I know she may not come, but would probably feel good if you offered."

Then was a time when I felt discomfort.

"I.. don't know." I said, with a straight face.

"You do not have to, but it would be very kind. Especially after the way you treated her. Friends do not treat friends that way."

Starfire was right. Raven's my friend, even if she's different.

I nodded, walking up to Raven's bedroom door. I closed my eyes, and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Raven asked.

"It's Beast Boy." I answered, holding my breath.

"What do you want?" Raven opened her door a bit.

"I wanted to say.. that I'm sorry. You're my friend and.. I shouldn't have said those things."

To my surprise, Raven opened the door wider.

"It's alright. But... I have a question for you, Beast Boy." Raven said, looking straight into my eyes.

I lifted my head up, and looked at her. Something I had never seemed to notice before were her violet eyes.

'They're beautiful.' a voice inside me said.

I quickly shook that thought out of my head.

"Okay.. What is it?" I asked Raven, a bit nervous.

It seemed as if Raven was feeling awkward too.

"Do.. you really think I hate you, Beast Boy?"

"Well, you sure act like it, sometimes." I answered, with a frown.

"I don't mean to."

I nodded slowly, looking back at Raven.

"I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, though."

Raven looked confused, now.

"Why?" she asked.

"I hate myself."

I said it. The secret that I never planned to say to anyone.

Raven now rested her hand on my shoulder.

"Are you serious? I don't... understand. You have a great life.. Beast Boy, you can feel every emotion, without breaking anything. Never will I get to experiance love,kindness, and true happiness. You don't know what it's like, to feel so alone, even though there are others around you. To feel so depressed, that you wish that life would end sooner. Compared to me, you're lucky. I wish I had a life like yours."

There I stood, shocked by Raven's words.

"Well, I do know what it feels like to be alone. You know, when you have friends, but no one understands you."

"That's... exactly what I mean." she answered.

Raven seemed shocked, that we were feeling the same distress.

"Uhh, have anything planned today?" she continued.

"Well, Star and I were going to the mall soon. Do you wanna come?"

"Uhh, sure!"

"Really? I mean, okay, cool." I said, still feeling uneasy.

Why was I nervous?

Raven set her book down, and shut the bedroom door behind her.

"Don't you like, hate going to the mall?" I asked.

"It's okay, as long as I can make a trip to the book store while we're there,"

"Sure.. There's a book store at the mall?"

"Yeah, right by the front entrance. You didn't notice that?" Raven gave a bit of a smile.

"Oh.. OH! Now I remember! Isn't that the place where you met your boyfriend?"

As I grinned, Raven smacked me in the arm.

"He isn't my boyfriend. I barely know that guy." Raven rolled her eyes.

"Mhmm, sure, sure."

As soon as we made our way into the kitchen, Starfire jumped off the sofa.

"Raven! Are you headed to the mall of shopping with Beast Boy and I?"

Star gave Raven a big hug. She was apperantly not interested, and pulled Starfire off her slowly.

"Yeah." Raven answered with no life in her voice.

Starfire giggled. "Oh, friend! We must go shopping for clothes and other items a girl may desire!"

Raven looked pretty disturbed. "I... don't know about that."

"Please, Raven! I would very much like to see you in which Beast Boy explained, a "bikini"."

As Raven glanced over at me, I took some steps back.

"You must be joking." Raven said, making her way towards the door.

"Okay then... You guys ready to go?" I asked, eager to change the subject.

"Uh, I am. What about you, Star?"

"Yes! I have applied the lipstick and eyeshadow, and am ready to go? At least I think-"

Raven dragged Starfire out of the Tower, obviously not wanting to hear about makeup. Neither did I, really.


End file.
